A Time Out Story

Here's a story to help answer the question, "What do you do when the rager just won't stop and it happens over and over again cuz even if it's not directed at you it still hurts to have to stay and listen even if you're not in the same room?"

One of my daughters, who is virtually always happy and kind, was very sick as a baby, and consequently, cried a lot. "Colicky" was the word I kept hearing, whatever that was. I can't even begin to count the number of days and nights my husband and I paced the floor with her.

One day, walking, walking, from window to bathroom door and back again, I felt desperate to escape the barrage of sound. In my desire the thought ran through my head to just chuck the noise out the window.

What?! The thought terrified me! I quickly took my little one and laid her in her crib, realizing, that, sad as she was, she was safe in her crib, and it was clear I needed a time out.

I went downstairs, completely out of earshot, for an hour or more. By the time I checked on her she had fallen asleep. It was a sad moment, but I started learning an important lesson:

Time out can be vital to maintaining a loving relationship.

I understood this concept instantly in relation to crying babies. But how many years did I run out of the house when I was upset with my husband, declaring I wouldn't be back, before I realized I should say just the opposite? "I'll be back. I just need a time out." And how much longer did it take me to realize that when my youngest kids were throwing temper tantrums the best thing for them was a time out?

However long, I know it now. Whether I'm being ornery, or someone else is, sometimes I just need to fall back and regroup, go to my quiet place, find my happy thought.

So, in answer to the question, while the rager is showing temper, give both of you a time out. If they won't leave, you leave. Go far enough away that you can't hear them. Stay away long enough for the storm in them and the storm in you to pass. My guess is that you'll need fewer and fewer time outs as time go by.