Can You Count to 10?

You know that whole notion your mom taught you about counting to 10 when you're angry? It's a great idea for some, I suppose, but it didn't work for me. I tried. I really tried! But by the time I thought of it I was well into, or even past raging. It came more as the despairing thought of "Why didn't I count to 10? It's a grade school technique. Criminy! What's wrong with me?" Repeating this useless and depressing process hundreds or thousands of times is what finally brought me to realize just how out of control I really was. It was time for Alcoholics Anonymous' steps 2 and 3.

2. We came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

3. We made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

It wasn't a big deal for me, really. I already had a belief in God. Okay, it was pretty humiliating to go to Him and say, "I'm so out of control of myself that I can't even remember to count to 10 before I blow my top," but quite frankly, I was desperate. I was losing my family bit by bit! I asked Him just one small favor: Please warn me a few seconds earlier when I'm about to get angry, so I'll have time to do something about it while I still have some control of myself.

He did!

The next time things started heating up, I could feel the rage meter going up! Hallelujah. Time in which to act!

It wasn't as quick and easy as I would have liked, because counting to 10 just wasn't long enough for me. The first time, I counted to 10 and then threw a fit. Pretty dumb, eh? I decided I needed to count longer. The next time, I counted longer, but I could feel myself getting angrier and angrier, instead of calmer. Geeminy!

I started thinking about geography. My husband and I have taught this principle to our kids many times. It goes something like this: The best way to avoid a punch is not be there. You can't wash the dishes if you're not in the kitchen. If you're not in the same place as the cookie jar, you can't take the cookies. Geography can be crucial. A couple Biblical examples: If David had been off to war, like he should have been, he wouldn't have committed adultery with Bathsheba, and when Potiphar's wife tried to seduce Joseph, he didn't hang around to talk about it. He ran away!"

"Away" was the operative word for me. The next time God warned me, "You're getting upset," I counted to 10 just to buy time to get away from the temptation. Voila! Time out! And it worked! I could be alone to rage by myself, cry my eyes out, escape pressure, whatever. I had a new lease on life. Counting to 10 changed my life, but only with help from a greater Power than mine.

Three caveats:
1. Some of my family were relieved when I started removing myself. That hurt, but I was alone to deal with the sorrow and talk myself through it. It wasn't too hard, cuz I wouldn't want to have someone always threatening me by their very presence either. Happily, now that time has passed and they see my greater self-control, they don't feel fearful around me anymore. Only a few are still a little shy of tense topics around me, but they're learning, and I'm giving them time.

2. Some of my family couldn't bear to have me walk out, and followed me. Then I was trapped in my room, and couldn't escape. No flight meant I had to fight. Not good. I had to say at a more rational time, or as rationally as I could at the moment, "Please let me be alone." For a while I even left the house entirely, so they couldn't follow me.

3. I'm only me, and can only tell you what worked for me. Counting to 10 may not be your ticket out of your anger/shame cycle. However, whatever way you escape, you'll need help from a greater Power than you have alone. Seek it.