My older kids remember a 5x7 framed picture of a swan swimming in a pond. The shiny surface made it a little tricky to see at first glance. I don't know why I bought it at the garage sale, but I'm sure the shiny surface was why I chose it for my red flag. That was back in the days when I figured it was everybody else's job to keep me from getting angry. I'm getting ahead of myself here. I'll explain:
Somewhere in the back of my mind I knew it wasn't fair for the kids to walk in the door from school, or my husband to walk in from work, with no clue what my mood would be. In mercy, I would hoist my "pirate flag" as a warning. I told my family that when I was in a terrible mood I would turn the picture of the swan upside down. No one else would ever notice, but they could check and know: now is NOT the time to ask Mom if I can go to the party.
Crazy as it sounds, it helped! They had a chance to steer clear of the storm, but more, I started noticing patterns. My flag started going up every time I cooked dinner. Not because I hate cooking, but because usually when I made dinner I was in a hurry. I learned I have a hair trigger when I'm in a hurry. Solution 1: Take preventative measures to avoid being in a hurry. Prepare clothing, food, and other stuff I need in advance. Solution 2: When I find myself hurrying, talk myself down. What's the worst thing that can happen if I'm late? Do I really want to sacrifice this relationship for that? Occasionally I had to get comfortable with being late. I learned to set things in their proper priority.
Another time my swan swam upside down was when I felt criticized. I can probably count on the fingers of one hand the number of times my husband has actually said critical things to me. However I often felt hurt by his typical male tendency to remain happily oblivious to the needs of his female counterpart. And teenagers! Wow! When their thinking moves from the childhood black and white to the grays of adulthood, they question everything. I took it all personally, so I felt offended a lot. There were days when my poor swan would have drowned if it had been real.
The third alert was when I started caring too much about my opinion. If I have a soap box I have to rein in hard. Even as I write this I realize that I usually allow myself ONE statement of my belief, then I let the chips fall where they may. If I don't, I usually become sarcastic and cutting. Not okay! One statement usually doesn't convince anyone of anything, but neither do those who fight to the death over an issue. I've had to recognize that a lot of my opinions are more like prejudices. Only a few have real knowledge behind them. If I can speak intelligently, I'll speak. But, frankly, those times are few and far between.
What really ticks you off?
Is it hunger, sleep deprivation, feeling falsely accused, seeing injustice?
What can you do to avoid that situation?
What are you going to tell yourself when you face the circumstance despite your best efforts?
If you can't answer those questions, get a pirate flag. You'll warn yourself more than anyone else!
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